Two Kinds of Change

There are two kinds of change. The change you choose and change that is thrust upon you.

When I was about eight years old change was thrust upon me when my daddy dropped us off here in LA – at least that is how it seemed to me. No one explained what was happening and as a result, I grew into a very angry and spiteful child and later a very angry and resentful young adult. One minute we are living in Texas and the next, after a cross-country drive, we are being dropped off and my daddy is leaving us behind. I have since discovered, that moment was the catalyst to what became my quest for my happy.

When change is thrust upon you in the skin of a layoff, divorce, or for some of us, an elected president, we need to focus on the plans we already have in place. I hear so many people complaining about our president-elect that I just want to jam a pencil in my ear – it would hurt less.

First, that is wasted energy. Second, have your say. The day after the election, I wore black, I had my say on Facebook, go to https://www.facebook.com/pg/habitofhappy/posts/, (November 9th post) and I kept it pushin’. On inauguration day, I will wear black and keep it pushin’. Here’s why…life goes on. That little eight year old girl was broken-hearted and confused in the moment, but she grew up to use that experience and the many others that followed to handle the events that happen in this human experience. Focus on all the things you have control over and choose how you want it to play out. When I got laid off, I started a business, when I got divorced, I remarried, when I lost all my money, I found a way to make more. When change is thrust upon you, it is never an ending; it is always the beginning to the next phase of your life growth. Show up and you will always win!

Then there is the change we choose. I chose both of my husbands but for sake of discussion I will focus on the second one, although the first one was a doozy too. I chose him with my eyes open but, unbeknownst to me, I was not in an emotional place to make a logical decision. I thought I was so clear that I was even able to convince other people that selling everything I own and moving to Wisconsin to marry a red-headed Mexican that I met online only two months prior was a good idea. I had people high fiving and applauding my courage. What they should have been saying is, “get the rope, we are gonna hog tie you because you are crazy and clearly a danger to yourself and others!”

Our choices are made from so many factors. I was at a place in my life when I just needed someone, anyone to love me. I was disconnected from my family, I was divorced, and in a city I loved but didn’t pick. After a string of men I used to get over my first husband, I found myself empty and alone. This person courted me from across the US. He did more for me from a distance than the jokers I was dating did face to face. Of course I thought I was in love.

No one makes a choice with the expectation of failure. That would be ridiculous. We always look for the win. When it goes south, we are thrown and ask, “why me?” especially, if this seems to be the pattern. Just know that you have to look deeper. Every choice is not going to be a winner but, it is vital to know who you are in that moment. The “H” in HAPPY represents “hear your truth.” Until you are honest with yourself about where you really are and how you really feel about the things in your life, you will continue to make plans on a false positive that can only end badly because it is not your true reality. You are trying to build a life on a distorted foundation. All the vision boarding and list making in the world is not going to help because you are writing on white paper with a white crayon. It’s there but you can’t see it because you really don’t want to…yet. When you are ready to face the beast that is your true reality, it’s like getting a shot. That initial prick hurts a bit but the rest is just procedure. Honor yourself enough to go through the steps. Really look at your choices right down to what you want for dinner. Is it what you REALLY want? If not, say no. Don’t worry about missing out on anything. This life is abundant. You will always be able to do that thing you want, when you are really ready for it.

I’ve talked a lot about the challenging choices but let’s be real for a second. While the good changes are easier to handle, even when you choose to grow your business or you finally get that thing you have worked toward, that change can still feel overwhelming.

What we often miss is that with every change that happens in our life, there is a loss or a passing away of a previous situation. Very often, we skip the mourning process of that thing that we have moved away from. It’s so much easier to spot when it is something traumatic or impacts you in a negative way. When the change is good, and suddenly you feel sad or you just want to shut down and don’t know why…it means you haven’t taken a second to mourn what you’ve moved on from. Take that moment. Again, honor you and don’t deny yourself the applause you’ve earned, especially if the people around you aren’t quite in their happy. Honor the work you’ve done to live your bestest life. You earned it!

Now Go! Be! Do!